This was a fascinating unit that finished off a great course.
Chapter 11 introduced us to the ideas of how the media represents people and influences the stereotypes that we subscribe to. We discussed in the class forum a little bit about the stereotypes represented in TV and movies. We had an in-depth discussion about certain rap artists and the way they represent themselves, how they degrade women and glorify violence. Sadly this discussion degraded itself when a class member felt attacked and refused to participate in the conversation any further (and it was a great topic too) - it was an interesting end to our communication in this class, resulting in an absolute breakdown and display of poor communication...on many levels. I doubt this type of behavior would have happened with an instructor in the classroom, moderating the discussion. I regret that we were online because it was a great topic about poverty and getting out of the ghetto.
Chapter 12 covered gendered violence and sexual harassment and we read some additional articles about women and men who are incarcerated. Both topics were a sad reality of the cycle of violence that perpetrators live in - unfortunately going back to their childhoods. We also read a fascinating article about a man who is a feminist and has written a book (and coincidentally made a documentary) about the porn industry. This is a topic that has always bothered me because I felt bad about how I don't think porn is okay and apparently it's not 'cool' to think that these days (same goes for violence - it's not cool to say it's out of control). I feel like I have some leverage now after reading some work by this male feminist named Jensen. I can state without hesitation that pornography is simply another incarnation of a male dominated society - even if the women chose to do it they are still victims of this sad system of domination.
Whew. It's been a whirlwind of information and I feel enlightened beyond my expectations from this class. I won't miss communicating via the internet (this is my last, thank goodness, online class....I despise this format because I don't even know what my instructor looks like - and communication is ironically quite sparse and strained compared to a traditional classroom). Overall though, I would recommend this class to everyone if it was somehow available to the public. I see through more compassionate eyes because of what I've learned about gender. I hope it's not something like algebra that I'll purge after final (I seriously doubt it!).
Good luck everyone!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Unit 3 Synapsis
OK, now I feel like we're getting somewhere. While I thoroughly enjoyed the earlier topics (which were foundations for understanding gender), I really learned a lot of useful information in these 3 chapters. We're getting down to the nitty-gritty now :).
In chapter 5 we read about Gendered communication - how language has shaped our awareness and gendered styles of verbal communication. Speicfically, how gender specific terminolgy (like MailMAN, MANkind, etc.), subconsciously shapes our perceptions as a culture. I've never thought it was a big deal but then I read about an instructor who used femenine terms whenever there was a generic "he" and referred to everything as a "she" and the student said it was very confusing. If we can assume a male specific language, why is it so confusing when it's female.
Then the text went on to discuss specific speech behaviors of feminine and masucline people...and the text could have been written about me and my husband. It's a miracle, really, that men and women ever stay married. Our ways of communication are so different - we simply don't seem to get each other at all, yet somehow we still manage to attract each other. Men want companionship and activity-centered friendships while women want confidents and people they can trust with their inner most feelings. Men express themselves by doing stuff, women express themselves with language. Men say I love you by fixing the car. Women think they love the car more than the woman. Men want to take a women out on an activity when she feels she needs to talk. It's a cycle.
The topic was elaborated on in chapter 6 with nonverbal communication. Agian, in my own household, we are textbook cases of nonverbal communicators. What I appreciated the most about this chapter though was the message that we must appreciate the values of the other gender and not insist on imposing our own value for communicating on them. By doing so we are distorting what they are trying to communicate and I do believe, this is the crux of almost any relationship problem.
Then we explored the meaning of close relationships - same sex and opposite sex relationships that we consider personal and romantic. It was interesting to learn that lesbian couples have probably the healthiest relationship when compared to male-female, and male-male romantic relationship. If you think about it, it only makes sense. The masculine tendency to be in control and compete is rough for two men to get along smoothly. The issues I mentioned from chapter 6 that make relationships rocky between men and women. Lesbian couple get the benefit of having a partner that shares the same values, communicates the same way, without any control or competitive issues. I have to admit when my friends and I get mad at our husbands we often joke about how we "get" why women run off with other women after long relationships with men....:) I realize there's more to a relationship than that (!) but what I mean is that it really would make life easier at times.
But knowing and understanding where men are coming from really does help. I have spent years perfecting my non-invasion manner of communicationg. In fact I think I have swung so far to the other side that my reactions toward my husband are downright masculine when I'm mad at him or we have a communication break down. I don't want to talk about it or discuss it I just want it to go away after I get on with my day. I'm preatty sure my husband appreciates it, but doesn't actually know how absolutely difficult it has been for me to go against my natural tendency to talk him to death.
But I'm thinking it's why we haven't killed each other ;).
I'm really looking forward to the chapters to come because the big picture is becoming so much clearer now. It didn't seem to make sense back in the first 2 chapters but I'm beginning to understand why we bahave the way we do, and that it isn't always biology that makes a person behave masuline or feminine.
In chapter 5 we read about Gendered communication - how language has shaped our awareness and gendered styles of verbal communication. Speicfically, how gender specific terminolgy (like MailMAN, MANkind, etc.), subconsciously shapes our perceptions as a culture. I've never thought it was a big deal but then I read about an instructor who used femenine terms whenever there was a generic "he" and referred to everything as a "she" and the student said it was very confusing. If we can assume a male specific language, why is it so confusing when it's female.
Then the text went on to discuss specific speech behaviors of feminine and masucline people...and the text could have been written about me and my husband. It's a miracle, really, that men and women ever stay married. Our ways of communication are so different - we simply don't seem to get each other at all, yet somehow we still manage to attract each other. Men want companionship and activity-centered friendships while women want confidents and people they can trust with their inner most feelings. Men express themselves by doing stuff, women express themselves with language. Men say I love you by fixing the car. Women think they love the car more than the woman. Men want to take a women out on an activity when she feels she needs to talk. It's a cycle.
The topic was elaborated on in chapter 6 with nonverbal communication. Agian, in my own household, we are textbook cases of nonverbal communicators. What I appreciated the most about this chapter though was the message that we must appreciate the values of the other gender and not insist on imposing our own value for communicating on them. By doing so we are distorting what they are trying to communicate and I do believe, this is the crux of almost any relationship problem.
Then we explored the meaning of close relationships - same sex and opposite sex relationships that we consider personal and romantic. It was interesting to learn that lesbian couples have probably the healthiest relationship when compared to male-female, and male-male romantic relationship. If you think about it, it only makes sense. The masculine tendency to be in control and compete is rough for two men to get along smoothly. The issues I mentioned from chapter 6 that make relationships rocky between men and women. Lesbian couple get the benefit of having a partner that shares the same values, communicates the same way, without any control or competitive issues. I have to admit when my friends and I get mad at our husbands we often joke about how we "get" why women run off with other women after long relationships with men....:) I realize there's more to a relationship than that (!) but what I mean is that it really would make life easier at times.
But knowing and understanding where men are coming from really does help. I have spent years perfecting my non-invasion manner of communicationg. In fact I think I have swung so far to the other side that my reactions toward my husband are downright masculine when I'm mad at him or we have a communication break down. I don't want to talk about it or discuss it I just want it to go away after I get on with my day. I'm preatty sure my husband appreciates it, but doesn't actually know how absolutely difficult it has been for me to go against my natural tendency to talk him to death.
But I'm thinking it's why we haven't killed each other ;).
I'm really looking forward to the chapters to come because the big picture is becoming so much clearer now. It didn't seem to make sense back in the first 2 chapters but I'm beginning to understand why we bahave the way we do, and that it isn't always biology that makes a person behave masuline or feminine.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Unit 2 Synapsis:
I really loved this unit - it opened my eyes to how I am responsible for creating the gender identity of my daughter, but also how I encourage gender on the children I work with. It isn't something I considered before as it seemed normal, but now I realize the impact it can have.
Parents and caretakers have a serious impact on the gender of a child, so what? Well, I began to wonder how it feels for a girl that doesn't "feel" girly, or a boy who doesn't particularly feel drawn to playing with the boys. Do my comments make them feel confident or do they make them feel insecure? I'm much more careful about how I see boys and girls now - because I forgot how it feels not to exactly fit in. Not to mention this culture seems to promote the "ideal woman" and "ideal man" image that can be damaging to young women and men who are not fitting in with those suggested ideals.
Ego boundaries were totally new to me and this was another topic that thoroughly enlightened me. There are masculine and feminine boundaries that are formed late in toddler hood and continue to form through childhood. Feminine boundaries are more fluid and people with these tendencies are capable of feeling what other people feel, being more compassionate and sympathetic. People with masculine boundaries see people as separate and they don't feel as sympathetic toward other people as they don't identify personally with them. It explains a lot really. Interestingly, males can have feminine boundaries and females can have masculine boundaries - these are influenced by caretakers and society, culture, religion, etc.
The chapter on gendered education isn't something I'd put much thought into but it really ties in with the lessons I'm learning in Religion and Violence and what we studied in Women's Studies last semester - men have been very influential on culture. I don't need to say too much more about that. But I'm happy to be getting a more well rounded education in 2009.
Discrimination....whoa! It took me back to when I was in human resources in the early 1990's. I remember specifically NOT hiring mothers because I got so sick of how they'd call in sick when their kids were sick *blush* (this was pre-motherhood and I was pretty driven by other things in those days). Blatant discrimination is not as prevalent but still an issue...but subtle forms are still very prevalent and normal - even acceptable. Discriminating against a woman at a university who took time off to have a baby will be considered "not dedicated" and denied tenure - and the same would go for a man who would consider taking family time off. Are families important to this culture? It really doesn't appear that way...I'm hoping things change, for the sake of our children and the parents who both want a solid future for their families.
I love this course...much more than the Women's Studies course which seemed horrible one-sided. This course is fair and presents questions about the challenges that both sexes and all genders face. I appreciate a balanced education.
Parents and caretakers have a serious impact on the gender of a child, so what? Well, I began to wonder how it feels for a girl that doesn't "feel" girly, or a boy who doesn't particularly feel drawn to playing with the boys. Do my comments make them feel confident or do they make them feel insecure? I'm much more careful about how I see boys and girls now - because I forgot how it feels not to exactly fit in. Not to mention this culture seems to promote the "ideal woman" and "ideal man" image that can be damaging to young women and men who are not fitting in with those suggested ideals.
Ego boundaries were totally new to me and this was another topic that thoroughly enlightened me. There are masculine and feminine boundaries that are formed late in toddler hood and continue to form through childhood. Feminine boundaries are more fluid and people with these tendencies are capable of feeling what other people feel, being more compassionate and sympathetic. People with masculine boundaries see people as separate and they don't feel as sympathetic toward other people as they don't identify personally with them. It explains a lot really. Interestingly, males can have feminine boundaries and females can have masculine boundaries - these are influenced by caretakers and society, culture, religion, etc.
The chapter on gendered education isn't something I'd put much thought into but it really ties in with the lessons I'm learning in Religion and Violence and what we studied in Women's Studies last semester - men have been very influential on culture. I don't need to say too much more about that. But I'm happy to be getting a more well rounded education in 2009.
Discrimination....whoa! It took me back to when I was in human resources in the early 1990's. I remember specifically NOT hiring mothers because I got so sick of how they'd call in sick when their kids were sick *blush* (this was pre-motherhood and I was pretty driven by other things in those days). Blatant discrimination is not as prevalent but still an issue...but subtle forms are still very prevalent and normal - even acceptable. Discriminating against a woman at a university who took time off to have a baby will be considered "not dedicated" and denied tenure - and the same would go for a man who would consider taking family time off. Are families important to this culture? It really doesn't appear that way...I'm hoping things change, for the sake of our children and the parents who both want a solid future for their families.
I love this course...much more than the Women's Studies course which seemed horrible one-sided. This course is fair and presents questions about the challenges that both sexes and all genders face. I appreciate a balanced education.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Unit 1 Synapses
Wow. What a surprise: this class is nothing at all what i thought it was! I imagined scripts on how men and women should converse...I feel a little stupid, actually!
This first unit is about a few things:
This first unit is about a few things:
- Gender - what is it? What does it mean? When does one become aware of their gender, and are there genders that are not called male and female? What influences gender?
- Women's Movements - when did they materialize? What have they accomplished? What is their agenda and where are they now?
- Men's Movements - what motivates them? What is their purpose? Which ones are anti-feminist?
- Men, athletics and their identities - how do athletics shape the psyche of men in this society
So first of all, I thought I was up on all this gender stuff since I took the Women's Studies course. These chapters really dig even deeper, but from a neutral perspective (my opinion was the women's studies texts were particularly biased and it was difficult for me to read). But I was sadly unaware of some of the issues facing biologically intersexed or gender-neutral people. I don't think I honestly looked at their situations as individuals - I have limited exposure (knowing someone who was born female but identified with and has since changed the outward appearance to match), but I never stopped to consider how truly difficult it would be to be born with this issue. I feel enlightened from the reading.
The information on the men's movements were new to me as well. My husband attended the Sterling Retreats before I met him...yeah, the movement bordered on cult-ish, but I do think he's benefited from the lectures and he still speaks very highly of the program and Justin Sterling, even though Sterling has many critics (overall, my husband is a good guy and I wouldn't trade him in so I can't complain!). I was vaguely aware of Promise Keepers - completely aware of how they would keep men "in their place", which is over women and their family because that is what Scripture says. It's not my cup of tea...but I won't argue that here.
The most fascinating reading, for me, was the Messner section on men and athletics. I am already fascinated with the relationship of identity and sports (religion, parents etc), so the interviews with men in the Reader really captivated me. My husband was a mildly successful college athlete (hugely successful in high school) - I was stunned when I asked him if his dad had been ambivalent about his participation in sports, would he have played and he answered, "probably not". It was especially surprising since so much of his identity then was wrapped up in athletic success...at least that is what I though anyway. As it turns out, sports was the only way my father in law could identify with his son, and his son says that athletics widened the gap in their relationship. Since his dad just recently passed away, it led to some very sad conversations and revelations about the father-son relationship that I never knew about...all because I asked a couple of questions about sports. I think this society put a lot of weight on athletics for me and coincidentally, there isn't a pressure of that magnitude for women except I suppose, being what is considered "pretty" - yet another conversation.
I'm looking forward to the following chapters - I have not read ahead so I don't know where we're headed in this class! But I am fascinated how it all seems to relate in one way or another to other classes I've taken on Women's Studies, Religion and even History. Very fascinating indeed!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Again with Gender
In my Women's Studies class last term we talked a lot about gender identity, and here we go again!
Only this time it's not as depressing.....this time it's just very fascinating. I love being enlightened :).
On the discussion board for this class a lot has been said about many perspectives of gender and sexuality. That, combined with the reading my wheels are really turning.
My "issue", if I should even call it that....
I'm accepting and opened to homosexuality but as I admitted on the board - people who indiscriminately experiment with their sexuality make me a bit uneasy. By that I mean, people who are not actually gay, who decide to "be gay" and then go back to the way they were....like that actress....I can't think of her name but she is that blond actress who lived with Melissa Etheridge for a while then next thing ya know she's dating some guy. What's up with that? Maybe I'm not getting it? In the grand scheme of things does it matter that I don't get it - I am on the verge of being old (something funny: a fellow student mentioned that people who were born after 1980 are more opened about their sexuality and it was like a slug in the gut realizing that people born after 1980 are actually sexually active! God I feel old....). But back to what I was saying...I am not sure I can handle all of the experimenting out there - maybe I'm just too old to get it.
But what the first chapter taught me: sex is biological, gender is not. I think I understood that on an intellectual level but wasn't able to express it. I also learned that there is a strong movement for intersexed people (people born sexually ambiguous or with both sex genes) to accept themselves as such and for the public to accept them so that they don't feel compelled to go under the knife if they don't chose. Knowing a man who was born outwardly a woman, and now finally being freed to live as he felt inside - I feel good about this movement in society. It's not an easy challenge to be born with and we all need to understand it more fully.
Only this time it's not as depressing.....this time it's just very fascinating. I love being enlightened :).
On the discussion board for this class a lot has been said about many perspectives of gender and sexuality. That, combined with the reading my wheels are really turning.
My "issue", if I should even call it that....
I'm accepting and opened to homosexuality but as I admitted on the board - people who indiscriminately experiment with their sexuality make me a bit uneasy. By that I mean, people who are not actually gay, who decide to "be gay" and then go back to the way they were....like that actress....I can't think of her name but she is that blond actress who lived with Melissa Etheridge for a while then next thing ya know she's dating some guy. What's up with that? Maybe I'm not getting it? In the grand scheme of things does it matter that I don't get it - I am on the verge of being old (something funny: a fellow student mentioned that people who were born after 1980 are more opened about their sexuality and it was like a slug in the gut realizing that people born after 1980 are actually sexually active! God I feel old....). But back to what I was saying...I am not sure I can handle all of the experimenting out there - maybe I'm just too old to get it.
But what the first chapter taught me: sex is biological, gender is not. I think I understood that on an intellectual level but wasn't able to express it. I also learned that there is a strong movement for intersexed people (people born sexually ambiguous or with both sex genes) to accept themselves as such and for the public to accept them so that they don't feel compelled to go under the knife if they don't chose. Knowing a man who was born outwardly a woman, and now finally being freed to live as he felt inside - I feel good about this movement in society. It's not an easy challenge to be born with and we all need to understand it more fully.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Introduction and admission ~ Com410D
I've said this before in another blog for another class -I'm not particularly thrilled with blogging. But I must admit I am really excited about this course on Gender Communications.
It is a sad fact that I manage to communicate really well with animals, but I struggle with humans of either gender...so if anyone needs this education, I do. Animals are so predictable, you know? Typically an animal will vary their behavior (their communication) by degree, but for the most part there aren't any mixed messages, manipulation or psychological war-fare - as can be the case with humans.
For me, I find myself over-analyzing just about every single relationship I have - whether it be my own marriage, my relationship with my boss or even the 3 minutes with the cashier at the grocery store. I wonder if what I said was offensive or impressive or obsessive (heh), if I made her or him feel thisway or thatway. I hope that I made the right impression and that I appeared genuine (but was I really being genuine?). I wonder if I was too distant or too forward, too flirty or too cold. I even do this when I send an email.
Yes, I can really use this class.
It is a sad fact that I manage to communicate really well with animals, but I struggle with humans of either gender...so if anyone needs this education, I do. Animals are so predictable, you know? Typically an animal will vary their behavior (their communication) by degree, but for the most part there aren't any mixed messages, manipulation or psychological war-fare - as can be the case with humans.
For me, I find myself over-analyzing just about every single relationship I have - whether it be my own marriage, my relationship with my boss or even the 3 minutes with the cashier at the grocery store. I wonder if what I said was offensive or impressive or obsessive (heh), if I made her or him feel thisway or thatway. I hope that I made the right impression and that I appeared genuine (but was I really being genuine?). I wonder if I was too distant or too forward, too flirty or too cold. I even do this when I send an email.
Yes, I can really use this class.
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